Rino Retires, Again.
June 17, 2022.
Inverness Golf Club
Englewood, CO
Posted by Mr. Hanson, August 16, 2022.
The Four Horseman saddled up yet again, this time at Inverness Golf Club in Englewood, CO on June 17, 2022.
The occasion was to mark the most recent retirement of Colonel Rinerson from his most recent career, celebrated with a round of golf at Devine’s home course. Harley cashes more retirement checks than there are fingers on both hands. He’s had more retirement parties than Elvis. Most people can’t afford to retire. Rino can’t afford to work. We see a grand jury appearance in his future.
If there were a Profile in Courage award, it would go to Devine for bringing this motley crew to his home course. There were raised eyebrows over the matching shirts, and looks askance at the purple and gold shoelaces. But the members were good sports and besides, who else is crazy enough to play golf in this heat? Not many, it turns out. The course was ours. And Devine was awarded Miss C for paying the cart fees and jeopardizing his membership with his choice of fellows.
Last time we met, in the summer of 2021, wildfires in the West made air quality the worst in the world. Just ahead of Mumbai, as Mr. Devine wryly observed. But what moderates polluted air better than stifling heat? This year, it was in the 90s only, which was like an oasis compared to 2021. Road signs enroute warned that the day we picked to golf was on “Ozone Alert.” Which means you shouldn’t fill your tank with gas or mow your lawn before 5:00 pm. Since it said nothing about not playing golf, we soldiered on.
The courses are getting tougher as the participants get older, which is oddly disquieting. I thought old duffers, like wine, are supposed to get better with age. Another wive’s tale. I see miniature golf in our future. Or nine holes? Or 13? See below Or corn hole games instead of championship golf courses.
The scores were just a little higher than the temperature. It is tradition, not pride which compels me to disclose the results. I’ll spare you the raw numbers. Hanson was the medalist, shooting 73. But wait, he quit after 13 holes. Thank God for Mick’s perfect score on the Math ACT test in high school— he needed all his skills just to add all the scores!
Hanson won the Purple Putter early, with a measly 16 footer on #2. Mick hit Shot of the Day with a 180 yard 5 iron to 4 four feet, made the birdie on the Number One Handicap Hole, There was no Rino Cup winner since the greens were dry, fast and merciless. So Devine retained it for another year. Mick won MVG, mostly by default. We were sworn to secrecy about Harley’s whiffs. There were three or four. And he quickly forgot about them. We didn’t and never will. I think we forget about being sworn to secrecy--one of the advantages of advancing age and deteriorating memory.
After golf, there was a gala retirement party at a joint in Castle Rock, attended by the Deep State and the likes of us. Turns out Harley is as admired in his real life as he is by the Arrow Nation. He got LOTS of whiskey to mark his retirement, which made Patty happy. What’s a better combination than a deranged retired Army Colonel, armed to the teeth, high on a remote mountain top, drunk as a Lord on Jameson? Patty is sure to find out. #Colonel Kurtz?
He and Pat bought his Shangri-La retirement retreat on top of a mountain near Sedalia, Colorado. The perimeter is defensible, the viewscapes are stunning, there’s plenty of room for all his military schwag. Wife Pat has the patience of a saint to put up with it all, and the weekend Mick and I were there, we spotted bear and elk inside the wire. Not long after our party and visit, there was a bear in the garage, munching dog food, until Harley beat him up with his bare hands.
We think, though, that Harley will do just fine in retirement. He’s fit as a boot camp graduate— ask the groomsman at his daughter’s wedding who was foolish enough to challenge Harley to a pushup contest. Harley did like five hundred pushups in a minute and the groomsman lost and made the walk of shame. He learned his lesson. Harley makes the energizer bunny look like a slacker. The Rinerson daughters took on all comers in arm-wrestling at the brewery party and beat their sorry asses, even the young bucks, every last one of them.. Chips off the old block, those Rinerson girls.
All told, we know this. Tempus fugit. There are no friends like old friends.
Watch this space. The agenda items for next meeting are a). Switch the outing to the fall. b). Switch to 14 holes. c). Switch to corn hole toss instead of golf.
Word is of another get together in October, God willing.
